He’s out. He’s off the roll-call. His name shall no-longer being appearing on the hallowed pages of the DM Twitter feed. He may still crop up from time to time in *exciting new ventures* but for all intent and purposes he is queueing with the rest of the benefit scroungers.
He’s beyond parody – the man is quite literally unparodiable. Unlampoonable. Unsatiricalable. Those three made-up words have more depth and purpose than his entire career and, frankly, we’re sick of trying to beat him. Many argued that satire died the day Dean Gaffney had colonic irrigation on Channel 5, but if there was any life left then Littlejohn has now throttled it.
Reading his latest column and trying to find jokes in there was the last straw; there’s nothing that we can write that can even remotely come close to highlighting the mediocre thought processes on display. By just mentioning his name we’re giving him more validity than he deserves.
At least with his peers there’s a glimmer of humanity within which you can have some fun; Melanie Phillips may be batshit insane but laughs can still be gleamed from her paranoid ravings about Zionist lesbians destroying Gardeners World, and the appearance of Simon Heffer has brought some good old-fashioned xenophobia back to the table.
The other columnists seem to actually believe the tripe they spew out, but with Littlejohn it’s just a white noise of misdirected hate. I’m not even entirely sure he exists anymore; like the Dread Pirate Roberts he’s replaced every few years by a junior intern – paid to collide two week old news stories together through the filter of illiterate reader suggestions or the prism of Fox News.
He’s clearly not trying anymore, and if he’s not going to try – then neither are we.
Littlejohn – you are hereby sacked from satire. You’re not welcome anymore. You have become so meta-Poe that you are no longer worth anyone’s attention. We’re ignoring you, and we urge everyone to do the same. We’re going to stop mentioning you, stop reading you, stop discussing you on Facebook and Twitter… we’re letting you slowly waltz off to the Grey Havens to be forever remembered as the man who ate himself.
It’s been a pleasure.
*Exciting new ventures. Yes. Soon. Exciting. Ventures.